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To my surprise, my Dad instead of my Mum said that he had suspected this was what was going on with me. There was a lot of crying and hugging and expressing our love for each other and that nothing I could do would change that. I was hoping, although I knew it would never happen, that they would be so cool with it they would want to see me dressed immediately. This was not the case! My Dad said that he would rather not see me dressed, my Mum didn’t seem to care one way or the other, I was a little disappointed by that but I should have expected it. It takes time to come to terms with something like that. They’re so used to seeing the fake me that they need time to cope with the idea of there being a girl inside of me.

I’ll include a couple of good lines I used which made things a little bit clearer to my Dad which might be useful to other tgirls when coming out to their parents. My Dad asked what the big difference is in wearing girl clothes, he didn’t understand the significant difference in wearing girl clothes or wearing boy clothes and I asked him, “If you woke up tomorrow morning and the only thing in your wardrobe was a dress and you had to wear that to work, wouldn’t that make you feel uncomfortable?” He agreed that it would, but argued that a lot of girl clothes could be easily passable as a man’s clothes, I countered with, “Sure, but it’s not about how people view you, it’s about how you feel in the clothes. Regardless of whether or not people actually noticed that you’re wearing girl clothes, you would feel as if everyone knows, you would be nervous about them finding out and it would make you feel awkward because it’s not a reflection of who you really are.” That seemed to make a lot of sense to him and he had no more arguments against wearing girl clothes after that. Another good line I used that seemed to make my Dad understand a lot better was that I said, “You two might think upon seeing me in girl clothes for the first time that it’s just me wearing a disguise, but the truth is that it has always been the other way around. This is the disguise,” and I motioned to myself dressed as a boy.

So now after telling my parents, there are only three more significant people I need to tell. My Mum, My Dad, and my best friend Will all know, but my Sister, my Brother, and my other good friend Patrick still need to be informed. My friend Patrick was told by Joanna, the bitch who tried to expose me, but he claims to have not believed her. I’m not sure how much I believe his claim, but he’s about to find out that it’s true after all!

Another subject I’d like to touch on is my relationship with Will, my best friend who is a straight man and is the only person I’ve come out to. I’m still quite close with him, and we hang out a lot but he told me recently that he has been telling his friends at university that he has a transgendered friend. I think he may have told them details about some things which I intended to be private between him and I. Betrayal has always hurt me deeply because I’m naturally a very trusting person but I pretended to shrug it off in front of him. My main concern is that he didn’t ask me if it was alright to tell them, especially since I see his friends quite often. I have a completely smooth body and hair down to my shoulders; these guys are university students, they can put 2 and 2 together and it makes me a little nervous about visiting my friend Will in Toronto now.

As far as friends go, my relationship with Will is the only one that’s going well right now. Rebecca simply vanished into thin air and I haven’t heard from her in many months, and I had a total falling out with another natural-born female friend of mine, Joanna. I came out to Joanna and she seemed very accepting of it at first, she even encouraged me to dress up in front of her. What I didn’t know is that she was secretly taking photos of me with her cellphone. She showed them to my other friends, but I quickly threw water on that wildfire before it spread since Joanna is well known for making up lies and without directly seeing the evidence, nobody would believe her. My word against hers was good enough and that faded into the background after only a couple of weeks. Still, it did hurt me deep and taught me a very valuable lesson: You might think you can trust someone until you let it all out, then you’ll see their true colours.

On a happy note, I have made a new friend that I’m very excited about! He lives pretty far away from me, a little under an hour drive, but I feel like this is the first man I’ve had a real connection with beyond the physical. I didn’t find him terribly sexy until I started to talk to him, which is normal for me, I’ve always been more attracted to personality than looks. We have so much in common and the conversation flows so naturally. He’s intelligent, he gets my jokes, and he’s young and energetic. I went over to his house this weekend to have a few beers and chat. I had convinced myself that I was going to take it slow this time, not to rush into anything, but I succumbed to desire after a couple of hours of chatting with him. I felt so feminine around him, I could totally be myself without having to hold anything back. He was so sweet that I felt my resolve not to do the dirty deed on the first date draining quickly. Eventually he went in for the kiss and we fooled around on the couch before moving to the bedroom. Afterward we cuddled on the couch, talked and kissed and felt the warmth of each others bodies. It was a magical night for me, and I hope for him too. We made plans to see each other the following weekend and I’m so excited to see him again! I only hope that he’s legit in his expression of desire for me and that he wasn’t just lying to get laid like so many guys do. Only time will tell!

Well, I went to meet Will and we got coffees and had a couple smokes that he had left over and we walked from Tim Hortons down to one of the parks near my house. We were wandering around the park slowly, chatting along the way but there were so many people around that I never got the chance to say anything. We ended up sitting down on a bench near the playground just as it was getting dark and we suddenly noticed fire on the horizon. We sat and watched it in silence for a couple minutes, noticing that the fire seemed to be about three feet off the ground, which was odd, and there were flames “dripping” down to the ground and starting a new fire at the base of whatever it was that had caught flame. Will figured it must be a pile of leaves, the thought of which worried me so we decided to call the fire department. A couple minutes later we heard the firetrucks coming, and fearing that they might blame us for the blaze, we left the park. I felt guilty for leaving though and we returned to direct the firemen to the blaze. They explained that the “dripping” we saw was likely from the plastic of a garbage bag and was typical of a garbage bin fire.

Relieved that the fire was being dealt with, we headed back to my house, taking a detour through another park at my suggestion because I knew this park was always empty. I sat Will down and came out to him quite plainly. I first explained to him that I’m not straight, not gay, but not straight. He took that so well that I continued to explain that I like shemales specifically and that a girl that I had told him I was seeing in Toronto, was in fact, not really a girl. He was very accepting and kind about it I explained the third and final part of what I wanted to tell him, which was I myself and transgendered and that I dress as a woman. He was very accepting of all of these things, and I reassured him that nothing would change between us and that I’m still the same person, he reassured me that he would not change his behaviour around me and that he could accept this lifestyle change for me. It felt really good to get it in the open with at least one person and I was so glad that I told him.

Luckily, my girl Rebecca asked me to come out to the club with her on Saturday night with another t-girl friend of hers, all dressed up. I was ecstatic! I’ve never gone out fully dressed and I know I would feel so much more comfortable with Becky there. We went shopping downtown at a shop called Wildside. It was incredible! Although I must admit it’s obvious that the store caters to a slightly older clientele, there are still many useful things that can be bought there, especially for shy girls who don’t want to just walk right up to a makeup counter and ask for advice; Patty, the store owner makes you feel right at home as soon as you walk in and she’s a big help.

We went to a store called Seductions after that, just up near Church and Wellesley – which for those who don’t know, is the gay community of Toronto – so there was a bit more of an accepting crowd there. The girl on the top floor, which was the fetish section of the store was very helpful. She didn’t even miss a beat when Becky asked her to show her the corsets, since we were dressed as men, I wasn’t surprised when she asked very politely if it was for her and if she would prefer men or women’s sizes. She was great all-round, made me feel very comfortable, kudos to you girl!

After the shopping spree was over I had a new pair of boots, a beautiful new pink dress, bra and panties, stockings, a basic set of makeup, and a new wig. Becky picked up a new cat suit and a corset to add to her collection. We were finally ready to go to the club! But unfortunately Becky’s friend had to cancel. We didn’t let that get us down though, we still got dressed up at Becky’s house and had a girl’s night in. It was great to let loose and be a girl again after having to repress it for so long. I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with keeping this a secret. I’ve been seriously contemplating coming clean to my friends, my family, my boss, everyone. I wish that I could share with them the true me, and I wish that I could express all of the feminine things that encompass me.

Although I didn’t feel terribly comfortable doing it, I did still enjoy being dominant. I think that as my male personality fades away and Shauna gains more of a foothold, that I will change, at least in the domme/sub aspect of my personality. As my male persona, I don’t care much about my own needs or desires because I’ve repressed them for so long. I just felt hopeless, like there was no point finding my own pleasure as a man when I knew so badly that I wanted to be a woman, so full servitude was the only way I found to dissipate those feelings. With my mistress I feel totally different: I feel feminine, and I’m not afraid to give into my desires because I know that they will make me happy this time simply because I can truly be myself with her. The old mentra of mine that my own pleasure comes only after the pleasure of others has been erased in my mind and replaced with mutual pleasure; my pleasure in serving her and her pleasure in controlling me.

In past relationships, before Shauna came to the forefront of my mind, I always felt like I was just going through the motions, not really receiving anything from my partners, I just give, give, give. I realize now that it was because there was no affection or passion there, at least on my end. With my mistress it’s different; there’s an intense feeling of affection there which gives me a distinct feeling of fulfillment which I have never felt before, this feeling encourages me to pass that feeling on through the domme/sub relationship. It also encourages me to look to the future and know that one day Shauna will know what she wants and will be able to force herself on a submissive slut of her own. Maybe one day soon, a lucky sub slut will call me Mistress Shauna and kneel at my feet awaiting my command!

I shrugged it off when he brought it up, I didn’t offer him any details or explanation; I didn’t feel like I owed him one. However, when I thought back on it, I seriously considered just coming clean and sort of wish that I had. Bottling up all these feelings I have is difficult and it would be nice to just be myself around my friends. I have to work with my boss just for this summer and it would be awkward to let it slip before work starts, but he’s also more than my boss, he’s been a friend since grade 8, over nine years now. If he didn’t take the news well, he’d certainly tell my other friends and my social network might just crumble.

Luckily I’ve been working steadily to build friendships outside of my male persona, people who know the real me – the Shauna inside, and can be there for me in case the news slips to my old friends. I hope that it doesn’t, not just yet. I’d like to tell them, but I can’t risk it; I just hate it because it’s a stressful knowing that my boss is now aware of a (albeit small) portion of my secret life.

These admirers number in the thousands, tens of thousands, maybe even millions in a city near you, I guarantee it. The number of tgirls in your city though, is likely to be less than one tenth the number of admirers. This means that you’ve got a gift, honey, and some girls chose to exploit it to some extent. Exploit is a strong word, and I don’t recommend using it when speaking with your personal admirers, but when it comes down to it that is the idea. Unfortunately, because transitioning is so expensive and tgirls are in such high demand, it’s quite common for admirers to shower you with gifts in order to differentiate themselves from the throng. Accept these gifts but accept the admirer into your life only so much as you feel comfortable doing.

Always keep in mind that it costs a lot of money to look good as a tgirl and unfortunately, admirers are always looking for the best girl, not just any girl. The rule of thumb I go by is: if you don’t look good, you won’t have enough admirers, and if you don’t have admirers it’s hard to look good! Clothes, makeup, accessories, surgery, everything that comes with the territory of being transgendered is expensive and you should absolutely accept any gifts or donations that men want to make to you. It improves your life and improves the experience that you are able to provide for your admirers.

Meeting your admirers for sexual encounters is completely fine, we’re all human and from time to time we’ll get swept off our feet by a charming admirer. Just remember that you should ask for donations for any sexual activity you participate in. You are a rare collectible and you should not take your gift lightly. If you owned it, would you lend out the Mona Lisa for a night to someone you had just met or would you ask them for a fee? Obviously, you’d ask them for a fee to ensure they treat it with respect and that it’s in perfect shape when it’s returned. You are a gift to your admirer, one you are lending to him (or her), and you should charge a small fee to ensure that you are treated with respect and are kept well funded and consequently, well supplied and looking good!

In summary, don’t forget to ask for donations and don’t be shy about it! There is no shame in asking for a down payment or collateral on precious goods; you are a precious commodity, don’t short-change yourself! You are worth it and if your admirer doesn’t think you’re worth a small investment, then you know what they’re worth? They’re not worth your time, that’s what.

I took only a short break, maybe a 30-meter walk, before I scraped the idea of taking a break and began running again, far sooner than I typically would have. Once again upon reaching my mark to stop and take a break for this stretch of my run, I just kept going and going. I combined what had previously been two seperate stretches of my run (with a walking break in between) into one single stretch of running and didn’t stop until I had reached what would have usually been my second break on that stretch, but again, I only stopped because I felt like I should take a break, not because I was genuinely exhausted and needed it.

Since I was making such good time and was blowing past all my marks, I decided to extend my route which would have taken a left back toward my house. I went straight instead and continued around the crescent I was on, adding somewhere between 1 and 2 kilometers extra onto my run, which I had never previously done. All told with the shortened breaks and the added part of the run, I probably ran between 2 and 3 kilometers more than I would have previously and it felt great! I’m really proud of myself for having pushed myself to start this running regime and it makes me feel very empowered to see such results.

Those results being that last year I dropped 30 pounds and that I’ve gotten loads of comments about my body, especially my bum. For any trans-girls who want to work out and drop some weight without bulking up, all I have to say is this: run girl, run!

In fact, it is entirely possible (depending on the starting condition of your voice, of course) that you can achieve a female voice without surgery at all. The fact of the matter is that no matter how good you look, your voice is always going to give you away, so if passability is important to you, then voice should be one of your main priorities.

If you smoke, quit right away! It does terrible, manly things to your voice and it will make it much harder for you to get that perfectly passable voice. Now, these are the techniques that I have been working with and it has worked quite well for me, so I hope that it will be of use to somebody if I write them up here. If however you prefer to view a video instead of reading, this video is essentially what I am summing up in this post.

Okay, so down to technique. The first thing that you should do, is try to bring your voice up into a falsetto tone, like you’re singing normally but really high pitched (think Freddy Mercury from Queen!). Now bring your voice down a little bit, it tends to be easier to switch from a really high note to a slightly lower note than it is to go from a low note to a slightly higher note.

The reason for this is that male vocal chords are split into two parts, the lower half which controls your male voice primarily and the upper half which is responsible for higher pitch notes that we don’t use very often as men. You may notice when trying to go from a low note to a high note, that your voice cracks at one specific point each time. This is because your vocal chords have to switch between using the lower and upper section and the switch over causes a crack in your voice. This voice crack sounds horrible and will definitely expose you if it’s done it public so always go from a higher note to a lower note.

Bring your pitch down and don’t worry about trying to sound female yet. Just bring the pitch slightly higher than your typical male voice and while you’re doing this place a hand on your chest and feel the vibrations of your voice. If you can feel vibrations quite noticably in your chest then you should increase the pitch until you don’t. If you don’t feel any vibrations then slowly lower the pitch until you do, and then raise it back up until you can’t. The reason I suggest this is that a lot of people tend to go overboard on pitch thinking that pitch is the only thing which differentiates male voices from female voices but that simply is not the case. Most women are only slightly higher in pitch than men, it has to do with a few other factors which gives them that unique sound.

It takes a lot of practice, but eliminating as much resonance as possible from your voice is going to help a lot. By resonance, I mean the rumbling caused by your voice when you touch your chest, or your throat or your nose while speaking. You can feel the vibrations quite easily, try it out. What you need to achieve is what’s called a “head voice” which means that all of the resonance should be taking place in your head, your nose or your throat more specifically, and not at all in your chest.

So after pitch and resonance, the third technique for improving your female voice is changing the tone of your voice as you speak. Women tend to speak in a very sing songy fashion, constantly switch the tone in which they speak, unlike men. One bit of advice that I can give you that you can use to compare this sing songy way of speaking to your male voice, is that men do use this technique but only when they’re very excited. Think about a time when you were very excited and couldn’t contain it, like “Oh my god! Thank you sooo much! This means a lot to me!”. Even in a male voice, you achieve a sing songy tone, just try to apply this while using your new pitch!

The fourth and last technique is adding some breathiness. Now, when I was told to add breathiness I didn’t exactly understand what that entailed. So this is the best way that I can think of to describe it. Use your new pitch and bring it down to a whisper, purposefully breathe out as you speak and your last word should be followed by a short burst of leftover breath. Your S’s should sound softer and you should take your time saying everything. Don’t shorten the words you’re speaking, that’s a very male way of speaking, like saying “probly” instead of “probably”.

So work all of those techniques into your voice, start with pitch, eliminate resonance, then add in sing songiness and breathiness. I think you’ll be suprised how quickly you can achieve at least an androgynous voice!